Helping Hands
Written for the Moonstar: The Sirius/Remus Fuh-Q-Fest, First Phase
By: Vixenette

Experimental hexes were like garden gnomes -- you never knew when they were going to jump out of nowhere and bite you on the arse. Fred and George, of course, were the connoisseurs of Making Up Untested Spells. There had never been a spell for making the blood vessels in one's nose burst before the twins invented Nosebleed Nougats, after all.

So when the twins noticed Sirius moping around Grimmauld Place one day, they decided to follow him around, sneaking from the backs of couches to the other sides of walls. They didn't know what they were looking for at first, but they knew that Sirius had been bothered by Harry's Ministry trial and the fact that the school term was fast approaching.

"Can't we just cast a Cheering Charm on him?" George asked Fred as they both peered around a corner to see Sirius standing in the middle of the spare bedroom that he had ducked into, sighing and looking mournful.

Fred shook his head. "That'll just temporarily make him happy. We need to think of something that'll really help him deal with the thought of Harry leaving."

George cocked his head. "Is it time to experiment?"

Fred grinned. "Maybe." He yawned, looking down at his watch. "Bloody hell, look at the time. I'm going to bed. We can deal with an appropriate charm tomorrow."

George nodded, risking another glance around the corner of the doorway to see Sirius with his hand down his pants, still standing and looking around. The unhappy look, though, was gone. George jerked his head back into the corridor and gestured Fred to stand against the wall as they both heard the door to the room shut. Feeling a bit nosy, he whispered to his brother, "I'll be there in a minute; I'm a bit hungry. Do you want anything from the kitchen?"

Shaking his head, Fred pointedly looked down at George's stomach. "People are going to be able to start telling us apart if you don't be careful. You'll be known as 'the fat twin'."

He avoided a punch in the arm from George as he walked away, and George stayed still for a full minute after his brother had disappeared down the stairwell. He then, very carefully, leaned over to place his ear against the door.

* * * * *

Rubbing his temples, Remus sat at the kitchen table and contemplated volunteering for the next few Order missions. He was tired, more tired than he had been in his entire life, and yet he wasn't unhappy . . . except for when it came to Sirius.

For some reason, Sirius was acting strangely around him. Whenever Remus tried to talk to him, Sirius would just answer curtly and walk away. His eyes never seemed to look directly at Remus, and his body always stiffened when Remus entered the same room that Sirius was occupying.

Even worse, Sirius had told Remus that he was not allowed to enter the master bedroom where Buckbeak was being kept. For some reason, Sirius had deemed this place Off Limits, though Remus had seen Harry, Dumbledore and even Molly go into the room at times.

Feeling somewhere between unwanted and confused, Remus let his memories drift to happier times. He remembered Sirius as a young man, dark hair falling over broad shoulders, a dark and deadened front tooth from an earlier Quidditch accident doing nothing to dampen the bright smile. Sirius was all laughter then, all sparkle and carelessness and happiness.

Sexy, also, though Remus didn't like to remember that. It was easier just to look at Sirius the way he was now, as a gaunt figure whose bones swam underneath baggy, dusty robes and whose once handsome face was now hidden by scraggly hair.

It was much easier to have a crush on a striking, energetic young man than it was to have one on a man who was wasting away. Or at least, that's what seemed to make the most sense to Remus.

Even if those sharpened cheekbones still sent a jolt to Remus' stomach almost every time he looked Sirius' way.

* * * * *

"We should help."

"That we should."

"What do you think?"

"A good shag?"

"I'm shocked, George. I didn't think you were into blokes."

"Only ones that don't look like you."

"Flobberworm pus."

"Spot face."

"Limp willie."


"Carrot head."

"Stop, I'm blushing."

". . . ."

"So what's the plan, then?"

"I thought you wanted to shag him."

"Not me, stupid."

"Oh. How about Tonks?"

"I don't want to shag her, either. Unless she turns into Madame Rosmerta for a night."

"What about Sirius?"

"What about him?"

"Who will we get to shag HIM?"



"How about Tonks?"

"I just said that!"

"Oh. Great minds think alike, I suppose."

"I can't believe I'm related to you. So how can we get Tonks to shag Sirius?"

"Aren't THEY related?"

"Well, their family is used to inbreeding."

"You got a point there."

"On the top of my head?"

"You should get that looked at, Fred. It's terribly unattractive."

"Too bad for you that we're identical."


"How about a love spell?"

"And watch them fall all over each other while I'm trying to eat? No, thank you."

"A lust spell?"

"Absolutely not."

"What's wrong with that idea?"

"Well, what if Tonks doesn't want Sirius? He'll be aching to rape her, then, and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

"You and your clever mind. I hate you."

"Thank you. What else, Oh Brilliant One?"

"How about locking them in a closet together?"

"Wouldn't work."

"Oh, I suppose not. Tonks is an Auror and all; she could probably find a way out."

"No, I meant that it wouldn't work because Sirius knows about it now."


"Hullo, Sirius. Lovely morning, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes. Your hair looks smashing by the way, Sirius. The way it hangs in limp strands around your face like that. You've been growing it out, have you?"

"And the colour of your skin is a beautiful, pasty white. Perfect for attracting unsuspecting cousins."

"That way your lip curls up like that is not very attractive, though. You look a little like Snape when you do that."

"Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?"

"No, you can put your hand down. No need to thank us."

"I hear that the gaunt skeleton look is in now. Lucky for you, eh?"

"Tonks is sure to . . . oh, bloody hell. Libido temporalis!"

". . . Fred?"

"Sorry. I don't even know if that spell will work."


"Can you believe him? He looked as if he wanted us to die a horrible, painful death."


"I mean, we were only trying to help him get a shag. After all, he NEEDS it."


"What, you great bother?"

"I think your spell worked. He's looking at us funny."

"Ooh, he is. He looks . . . is he licking his lips?"

"Why don't you go over there and see how well your spell worked?"

"I'm not. You're the one who wanted to shag him."

"I never said-"

"Try to duck under his arm. He's coming for our sweet arses."

"Augh. I don't want to think about what he would do with our sweet arses, thanks."

"Then MOVE."

They scuffled under Sirius' outstretched arms and paused by the door. Actually, George noted, Fred was cowardly standing on the other side of the door in the corridor, right behind George. Huffing, George turned to look back into the room while holding the half-shut door in front of him like a shield.

"We have to run, Sirius. Sorry."

"Yes, we're so sorry," Fred called over George's shoulder. "Don't defile that rug while we're gone. You know how much Mum likes the dark and gloomy colours in it."

"We'll send Tonks up to keep you company," George said quickly.

"You'll thank us later!"

The door shut behind them, the twins both sighed in relief.

"Bloody hell, Fred. Couldn't just stun him until we got out of there, could you?"

"What good would that have done, eh? This way, he'll be ready to pounce on anyone that walks through that door."

"Bloody FUCK. I can't believe you did that. What if it doesn't wear off?"

Fred glared at his brother as they trampled down the staircase towards the kitchen. "I'm not THAT stupid, you know."

George snorted as they turned the corner to find their mother and Remus sitting at the table, a pot of tea between them.

Their mother's eyes burned a hole through Fred's head. "What have you two been up to?"

"You shouldn't use homophones in the same sentence, Mum. It sounds like you're uneducated."

George caught the smile that Remus hid behind his cup. "We're not up to anything, Mum. Where's Tonks?"

"She's at the Ministry," Remus said. "She'll be here tomorrow."

Feeling a bit sick to his stomach, George shifted his gaze sideways to find Fred looking at him in horror.

"Do you need help with anything?" Remus continued. "I'll be here all day." He took a sip of his tea and watched the twins with wide, innocent eyes. Too innocent to be spoiled by the likes of a lust-driven escaped convict, George thought.

"Sirius could use your help, actually," Fred said suddenly. The volume of his voice rose as he spoke over George's sputtering. "He's in his father's old study."

Remus' brow furrowed. "Sirius needs my help?" He pushed his chair back in a hurry and set his cup down. "Sorry, Molly, I'll clean up after myself later." He rushed out of the kitchen with a nod to Fred and a pat on the back to the still-sputtering George.

"Well," George heard his mother say over the roaring in his ears, "the kitchen could use a thorough cleaning while I dust that horrible cabinet in the living room. You'll take care of it, won't you dears?"

She passed a smirking, bemused Fred and a horrified George.

* * * * *

The fact that the door to the study was locked seemed very odd to Remus. He spelled it open and peered inside, unnerved by the silence. "Sirius?"

It could have been a moan, but it wasn't a moan of pain. Remus yelped in surprise as soon as he caught sight of his friend, facing the door, his hand clenched around his cock. Sirius was coming just as Remus considered dropping dead at the sight.

He couldn't make himself drop dead, so he did the only thing he could think of. "You don't need my help with that," he said while slowly inching backwards, trying to erase the memory of Sirius, trousers down and robes bunched under his arms, out of his mind. I did not just see Sirius' cock. I did not just see Sirius' cock.

But Sirius said his name, and Remus stopped just before he closed the door. "Sirius?"

"I need you," Sirius said to him. Remus heard some rustling, and then the door was pulled open again. Sirius was clothed and frowning, a flush in his normally sallow cheeks and sweat glistening on his forehead. Remus swallowed nervously.

"I don't see how I could have helped you with that," he said, trying to avoid Sirius' piercing gaze and making the mistake of looking down, immediately noticing one of Sirius' hands at his crotch.

"They hexed me," Sirius snapped. "Those little wankers hexed me, and now I can't get rid of this erection."

Remus looked down both directions of the corridor to make sure no one was listening, and then he pushed Sirius inside and followed, shutting the door behind him. He sighed shakily, trying to ignore the way Sirius was rubbing his crotch. "So they made you horny."

"They HEXED me horny," Sirius corrected. "They couldn't turn me on if they were the last two blokes in the world-"

"But you're not attracted to men, anyway," Remus cut in. Sirius shot him an indescribable look and then nodded.


"So," Remus moved away from Sirius and leaned against the desk on the far side of the room. "How, exactly, do you want me to help?" By sucking you off? He mentally slapped himself.

"Well, you could, erm . . ." Sirius trailed off, looking embarrassed. "Er, maybe . . . I don't know. How do YOU think you could help?"

Remus stared, trying to block out images of himself fucking Sirius out of his mind. "I don't know. How do you WANT me to help?"

He could swear that Sirius blushed, but that could have been the light. Or something. "I . . . I don't know. However you THINK you could help would be fine. I'd be okay with anything."

Sighing, Remus ran his fingers through his hair. "You have to tell me what I can do, Padfoot," he said. There was no possible way he was going to suggest doing anything dirty with Sirius. His friend might have been grateful at the moment, but later he would have been disgusted and probably have wanted to sever all ties with Remus down the road.

"Anything you want to do," Sirius said.

Remus groaned. "This is getting us nowhere."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Agreed. Maybe you could, ah, go and shop for me. For something that will help."

Remus felt his lips press together tightly as he continued to stare at Sirius. A shop . . . a sex shop? Something to help . . . "I'll go. Anything in particular you want?"

Shaking his head, Sirius' gaze drifted down Remus' torso. Remus squirmed, nervous, especially when Sirius said, "Yes, but it's probably better if I kept that to myself." His lowered, husky voice went straight to Remus' cock.

"Right, well, I'll be off then." Remus hurried around where Sirius was standing and reached the door, pulling it open.

He stepped out before he could make out what Sirius said to his back, but he thought it sounded something like, "Hurry back, Moony."

* * * * *

"Do you think we should still look for Tonks?" Fred asked innocently as he flicked his wand in the direction of the wet cloth on the counter. It began moving in circles as he turned around to look at his brother.

"Tonks? You already tricked Lupin into doing the dirty work," George exclaimed as he swept the feather duster that had sprouted out of the end of his wand over the corner cabinet that held a numerous amount of teapots. "That was...I couldn't even express how I feel about it."

Fred's eyebrows rose. "Jealous of Lupin, are you? Or are you jealous of Sirius? I saw the way you looked at Lupin just now."

"I haven't . . . I don't . . . " George threw his wand down onto the table, ignoring the red sparks that shot out of the end that wasn't a feather duster. He whirled around. "You're trying to change the subject. Why did you send Lupin? And without consulting me first?"

"I didn't need your permission, did I?" Fred said, his face starting to cloud over. "And I don't see what the problem is, anyway. Do you know something that I don't? I can tell that you're hiding something from me, and I don't like it one bit."

George sighed. "Fine, I do know something. I only found out last night, so don't blow your top off in anger like you usually do -- it hasn't been a secret for long." Fred lit up at the prospect of gaining a bit of secret knowledge; he stalked towards his brother and leaned in close.

And between the two heads, a secret was exchanged.

* * * * *

His visit to the seedy sex shop in the heart of Knockturn Alley turned out to be fairly uneventful. Remus was thrown by all of the brightly coloured devices, and the pictures on the covers of the magazines on the racks in the corner made him blush, but all in all it was quick and painless. He left with a paper bag, brown and unlabeled. Making sure that no one had seen him leave the shop, he made his way quickly to Diagon Alley and then Apparated back to the street in front of Twelve Grimmauld Place.

The first thought that he had when he closed the door to the study behind him was that Sirius had somehow shaken off the curse. The black haired man was sprawled out on the carpet, his arms out at his sides like he was making a snow angel. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, and as Remus looked closely at Sirius' crotch (for clinical purposes only, of course), no erection was in sight.

"Are you alright?" Remus ventured quietly, setting the bag onto the chair by the door. He walked closer, slowly, ready to bolt at any signs of dilated pupils and thrusting hips. Sirius didn't move. Remus stopped beside the prone body, poking at the torso cautiously with the toe of his worn boot.

"Dead," Sirius said suddenly. He still didn't move, save for his eyelids, which opened just wide enough to show Remus the grey of the irises behind them. "They're dead. Dead as my old Uncle Alphard, dead as Kreacher's great grandmother, dead as my first pet owl Midnight."

"That white one you had until second year, when it died of food poisoning?"

"Yes, though it will be worse than that for them. How can I kill them properly, Moony? How can I make them suffer?"

Ignoring the questions, Remus gestured towards the bag. "I bought you a cock ring. And, er, some lubricant."

Sirius stared. "Lubricant?"

Remus shrugged. "You never know. You'll be wanking a lot -- this'll cut down on the friction."

After a shaky laugh, Sirius looked up towards the ceiling. "I thought you were going to a different type of store. I was thinking of some of those Muggle sleeping pills. I thought that I could sleep through the worst of the curse." He grinned at Remus, whose eyes were wide. "You went to a sex shop? You?" He threw his head back onto the floor and laughed out loud, his mouth wide and his body shaking, his hands on his stomach. Remus tried to ignore the heavy feeling welling in his chest at the rare sight. It reminded him of happier days.

"You should have said that you wanted those sleeping pills," he said over Sirius' laughter. "Why didn't you say?"

Sirius laughed a little bit longer, finally shaking his head and wiping at his eyes. "I wish I could have seen your face in that shop. You're always so uptight, Moony."

Remus huffed and crossed his arms. "I'll have you know that I've been in many sex shops and I've tried countless of devices, thank you very much."

Sirius started laughing uncontrollably again. "Oh, that's priceless. You're killing me, here."

Irritated, Remus waited until it was safe to speak without sending Sirius into gales of laughter again. "Well, I'm glad that I entertain you. That's what I'm here for."

Sirius sobered up. "Is that all? You're just here to take my mind off of things?"

"Well, that and the free living space, the free meals, and the company of someone who thinks my life is entertaining." He paused. "Oh, and the free sex."

Sirius snorted. "From who, Molly?" He looked up at Remus from his position on the floor. "You're not shagging Tonks, are you?"

Remus made a rude gesture at him. "I was joking, you miscreant."

"The sex can be arranged, Moony. Just say the word to Master Black."

"And just who, might I ask, would the sex come from?"

Sirius grinned. "I could command Kreacher to do it."

Remus kicked at him lightly. "As tempting as that thought is, I think I shall have to pass. Now, back to what I mistakenly bought you . . . "

"I'll try the lubricant, I suppose. How do you use a cock ring?"

"Oh . . . you don't know?"

Sirius shook his head. "I think they were becoming popular right around the time I . . . you know. Went to Azkaban. I never had a chance to do the proper research."

Remus went to the chair with the bag and pulled the cock ring out. He tossed it onto Sirius' chest. "You just put it around the base. It'll make you hold out longer, which may conserve some of your energy."

Sirius held the ring up and examined it closely. "What if it doesn't fit? It looks kind of small."

Remus grinned. "I think that thing would fit a hippogriff, Sirius. It'll fit you. It stretches."

Huffing, Sirius placed it back on his chest and started pulling his robes up. "I'm so tired. While you were gone, I think I came fifty times. My trousers are a mess." He looked to Remus as if he were trying to sit up. "A little help here, Moony?"

"You want me to help you get undressed?" Remus didn't know how much he could restrain himself. He was already half-hard because of the thought of Sirius wearing a cock ring.


Letting out a shaky breath, Remus stepped close enough to bend down and slip his hands under Sirius' upper back, hauling his friend up to a sitting position. He then pulled on Sirius' robes as his friend held his arms up like a little boy, waiting for his mother to undress him.

"This is embarrassing," Sirius muttered through the fabric of his shirt as Remus pulled it over his head and threw it onto the pile of robes. "I feel helpless. I don't know if I have enough energy to wank anymore." He looked down at his trousers. "Can you help me with these, too?"

Remus knew that his hands were shaking, but he reached for Sirius' belt anyway. All of his boyhood fantasies were coming to life, and yet he was terrified. He unbuttoned the front of Sirius' trousers and pulled the fabric apart, the sharp scent of come wafting up. Sirius' prick was poking through the opening -- apparently, Sirius had decided to go without pants.

The sight of dark, curly hairs and reddened flesh was unnerving Remus. He quickly crawled around to Sirius' feet and pulled the trousers off by grabbing at the ends of the legs. Sirius groaned lightly as he lifted his hips up a bit so that Remus could take the trousers off the rest of the way.

Clad only in black socks, Sirius was spread out in front of Remus with a raging erection and lust-heavy eyelids. Remus was left with no choice but to bite his lower lip and attempt not to come at the sight alone.

"Moony," Sirius moaned. Remus closed his eyes and stood up, backing away slowly.

"I think I hear the teapot whistling. I'll just go check on it," he said as he felt his back bump against the door.

Sirius sighed loudly. "You won't help me?"

Remus ventured a look. Sirius was still looking at him wantonly, his lips parted slightly and his thin chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I don't think I have the energy to do this myself," Sirius explained. He swallowed and then licked his lips. Remus tried not to tear at the inside of his own lips with his teeth. "Can you at least put the ring on me?"

"You don't really want me to do this," Remus said out loud, but his legs refused to listen to his brain, which was screaming at him to get out while he still could. He took a step towards the man on the floor. "You'll look back on this moment later, remember that I touched you, and you'll regret it. You'll probably vomit."

Sirius was shaking his head. "No. No, Remus, I won't regret it." He watched as Remus stepped closer. "Just . . . just put the ring on me."

"That's all?"

Licking his lips again, Sirius shrugged slightly. "Well, you could help me wank for a bit, right?"

"And then you'll be ready to do it yourself?" Closer.

"Sure thing, Moony. I'll pick up where you leave off. Just . . . just get me started, okay?"

Closer. "As long as you remember that I'm doing this as a favour to you."

A look of something . . . anguish? . . . crossed Sirius' face. "I'll remember."

Remus' foot touched Sirius' hip, and he knelt down. He grabbed the cock ring, which had fallen to the side, and put it on Sirius' erection. As soon as his fingers touched the hardened flesh, Sirius moaned and let his head fall back.

Wanking Sirius was nothing like wanking himself, he thought hazily. Sirius' skin was not as loose as his own. This cock was a little smaller, both width and lengthwise. But it was perfect, nestled in dark, glistening hair and jutting straight out. The smell of Sirius' previous orgasms permeated the air around Remus, seeming to cloud his reservations about the consequences of doing this further.

His hand moved up and down the straining erection at a steady pace. Remus watched for a while, mesmerized by the way Sirius' prick fit perfectly in his hand, before glancing up to find Sirius staring at him. "Is this okay?"

Sirius was breathing harshly. "It's wonderful."

"Can you take over?" Remus didn't want to stop. He wanted to lean down and taste Sirius. He wanted to bury his nose in the come-covered curls. But he couldn't tell Sirius all of this.

Sirius' hips started thrusting up a little. "I . . . erm. Probably not. Can you keep going?"

Remus could go as long as Sirius wanted him to. "What ever you want, Padfoot."


"I'll help you in whatever way I can. Just tell me what you want."

Sirius looked away, though his hips were still moving and his hands were now drifting down to play with his balls. "Can you . . . no. I can't ask you to do something that a straight man would never do. It'd be selfish of me."

Remus studied Sirius' profile while he used his free hand to run his finger across the head of Sirius' cock. "Ask it. I'll do it. I'll do anything." I can't offer it. You'd know. But ask me to suck you off. Ask to fuck me. PLEASE.

Suddenly hissing, Sirius' body went rigid. "Oh, Merlin, this cock ring is torture. I can't come!"

"That's the point," Remus said. "You come when I take it off of you."

Sirius visibly shivered and turned his head back towards Remus. "You have control, then."

Remus allowed himself to smirk. "Yes. A little."

"Will you let me fuck your mouth?"

Swallowing the saliva that just pooled in his mouth at the thought, Remus nodded. "I said anything, didn't I?" He moved to sit in between Sirius' legs.

"Most straight men wouldn't do this, even for a good friend."

Remus blurted out, "I never said I was straight," before taking Sirius' prick as far into his mouth as he could.

Sirius cried out and bucked up, his hands clenching into fists in Remus' hair. Remus rubbed his tongue along the underside of the hard flesh in his mouth and swallowed as he felt the head hit the back of his throat. He used one of his hands to rub the flat stomach, the other to fondle Sirius' balls.

"Ah . . . fuck!" The muscles in Sirius' neck were straining as he clenched his jaw. Remus felt the muscles under his hand tighten with each thrust of Sirius' hips.

Letting the cock slip out of his mouth, Remus leaned down further and lapped his tongue across the thin skin of Sirius' balls. He nipped lightly at the base of Sirius' prick, the inside of a thigh, the crease where thigh met abdomen. He lathered the furry skin at the last with his tongue, swiping it over and over again while his hands moved to Sirius' cock and balls. Sirius was moaning and hissing and bucking and making delicious sounds, and Remus was painfully hard in his trousers, and his tongue was covered with the taste of Sirius' previous orgasms.

"I want to come," Sirius whispered harshly, his hands moving towards his prick. Remus knocked them away and took the cock back into his mouth. He pushed his tongue against the underside of the head while pulling the skin down. Rubbing it there, he let go of the loose skin and used the thumb and forefingers of both hands to grab at either side of the cock ring, clamping his mouth firmly around the middle of Sirius' shaft before stretching the ring away from the base.

Sirius' cock pulsed, and thin, warm come coated the back of his tongue. He swallowed it all in one gulp and slowly pulled away, using his tongue and lips to make Sirius tense in pleasure/pain as he pulled the cock ring off after his mouth.

Sitting back on his heels, Remus squirmed uncomfortably and grinned at the sight of Sirius, dark hair spilling over the floor and eyes staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. Remus could see the side of Sirius' damp neck jumping rapidly from the pulse underneath the skin.

"That was the best blow job I've ever had," Sirius said slowly. "I can't move. If I could, I'd lean up to kiss you."

"Is that what you want?" Remus asked. "To kiss me? Is that going to help you?"

Sirius huffed. "Sod helping me. The kiss would be for my own benefit, not for helping me get through this curse." He groaned as he lifted his head to look at Remus. "Will you come up here and let me kiss you?"

Trying not to look too excited, Remus crawled over Sirius' body and leaned over the other man, gazing down into grey eyes. Sirius tilted his head back enough to lift his chin. Unable to stop himself, Remus leaned down to kiss Sirius, tongue first.

Despite being tired, Sirius was passionate. His tongue rubbed against Remus' as if he wanted to taste traces of his own come. His lips were soft and his stubble rasped against Remus' own. Remus fought to not lie down on top of Sirius and thrust his hips down.

And then he felt a hand cupping him through his robes. He broke the kiss and stared down at Sirius. "What-"

"I had to make sure that you weren't repulsed by me," Sirius told him. "I look like . . . like . . . "

"Like a prisoner of Azkaban?"

Sirius grinned. "Unfortunately, yes. And I . . . why didn't you ever tell me that you were gay?"

"Would it have mattered?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Of course it would have. I would have made a move on you had I known."

"Made a move?" Remus thrust unthinkingly into Sirius' hand. "You're straight!"

Grinning again, Sirius said, "I never said I was straight." He leaned his head off the floor to slip his tongue into Remus' open mouth, squeezing his hand.

Moaning into Sirius' mouth, Remus thrust down into that hand again, his mouth following Sirius' as the head fell back to the floor.

Pulling his mouth away, Sirius said, "Let's shag." He said it without the smile that Remus was expecting. Liquid lust was racing through Remus' veins. He nodded, and then frowned.

"I thought you couldn't move," he said.

Sirius made a sheepish face. "Er, I thought you would have stopped if I let on that I could move myself. I have the energy to do this, though."

Remus looked down his body to see Sirius' erection. "And the stamina. I'll have to ask the twins to teach me this spell."

Sirius licked his lips. "Actually, I have another confession to make. I bet that you could just end the spell with magic. I mean, whichever wanker did the spell used temporalis, and that can be ended with a Finite Incantatum, can't it?"

Feeling as though he had switched brains with one of their old nemeses Crabbe, Remus groaned. "I'm so stupid. Of course. Do you want me to end the spell, then?"

Sirius gently pushed Remus away and sat up, looking down at his erection and then up at Remus. "Well, maybe after the shag. I really did come more than I possibly could have without it." He looked around the room. "Should we move to a bedroom?"

Afraid that his cock would fall off if he waited any longer to come, Remus shook his head. "No, I can't wait that long. How about the desk?"

Laughing, Sirius stood up onto shaky legs with Remus' help. "That was my father's desk. He did all of his sordid, repulsive Dark Arts things on there."

"Like shagging your mother?"

Gagging, Sirius pulled at Remus' robes. "You are a sick, sick man, Lupin."

Remus grinned. "I try to be. Keeps people from thinking that I'm a bore."

Together, they managed to strip Remus quickly. As soon as the last sock was peeled off, Sirius surged towards Remus and claimed his mouth again, moving his hands down the smooth skin of Remus' back. They moved as one towards the desk.

When the edge hit Remus' arse, Sirius thrust his hips forward and rubbed his cock against Remus'. A moan filled the air, but Remus couldn't tell if it was from himself or not -- his tongue was too far down Sirius' throat to distinguish.

Sirius' lips pulled away and trailed across Remus' jaw. He sucked on an earlobe and nipped at the neck and laved his tongue along the clavicle. Remus felt Sirius pushing on his waist. He jumped onto the desk, leaning back onto his elbows. Sirius stared down at him.

"Get the lubricant," Remus told him. Sirius nodded distractedly and looked around, finding it near where the bag was thrown. Remus breathed and tried to calm down a little as Sirius came back, holding the bottle uncertainly in his hand. "Have you ever been with a man before?" Remus asked him.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, but I was, er, the one being shagged."

Remus found the embarrassed look on Sirius' face endearing. "So open me with your fingers, and then stick your cock in. It's not hard."

Sirius leered at him. "It's very hard."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just lube me up and fuck me, Padfoot. And hurry. I'm in pain."

Twisting off the cap, Sirius poured some of the lube onto the fingers of his right hand. He stepped close and waited until Remus bent his knees and opened his thighs. He ran his slick fingers up and down Remus' crack. Stopping at the hole, he pushed one finger in slowly.

Remus involuntarily clenched around the finger, staring at Sirius. He felt the finger move around in him, intrusive and demanding, and a second finger slipped in easily. He willed himself to relax some more as the fingers twisted in him. He looked down and saw Sirius' arm around his own cock. A third finger pushed its way inside, and he bit his lip.

Sirius, a look of concentration on his face, twisted three of his fingers some more. He moved them in and out, watching the place where they were disappearing into Remus' body. He glanced quickly at Remus.

"That's good," Remus said. "I'm ready."

Sirius nodded and pulled his fingers out, helping Remus to move to the edge of the desk. Remus started to lift his legs to put them onto Sirius' shoulders, but Sirius lifted his arms to block them, still staring down at Remus' opening. As Remus let his legs back down, his mind hazy but curious, Sirius knelt down. A second later, a tongue was circling around the sensitive skin of his opening.

Gasping, Remus nearly bucked off of the desk. Hands held his hips down as that wicked tongue pressed against his hole, pushing its way in and fucking him steadily. Almost mad with the stress of restraining himself from coming, Remus made himself scoot away. "I want to come when you're inside me," he rasped.

Both of them were breathing harshly. The room was filled with the smell of sex and sweat. Remus noticed a spot on the ceiling. He stared at it as he fought his way down the slope of his impending orgasm.

When Sirius stood up and smiled at him, Remus knew that there would be plenty of times in the future when Sirius would be willing to make him come from rimming alone. That was the future, though, and this was now. And right now, Remus wanted to be fucked.

He scooted to the edge of the desk and lifted his legs again, and this time Sirius helped to settle them on his shoulders. Sirius' prick slid along his crack, stopping at his hole. Pushing slowly, the head entered.

Sighing at the feeling, Remus scooted a little closer to Sirius, bringing his hips up a bit more. He was able to grab on to the edge of the desk that way. "I like it fast and rough," he said huskily. Sirius nodded, blew a strand of hair out of his eyes, and thrust.

Fiery ecstasy raced through his veins as Sirius pounded into him. With each thrust, Remus was lifted. He felt like he was going to urinate, for the angle had Sirius thrusting towards his bladder. He grunted and held onto the edge of the desk tighter, his arse clenching around Sirius' cock. His head knocked back against the top of the desk, the edge of the desk dug into his fingers, and his sweaty back was starting to chafe from the rubbing of his skin against the wood. He managed to croak, "stop," and waited until Sirius halted his thrusting.

"What's the matter? Did I hurt you?" Sirius asked between gasps for breath. Remus winced.

"No, I just want to change positions," he said. He felt Sirius pull out of him and sat up shakily, trying to clear his head enough so that he could think. "I don't know..."

Sirius grabbed at his hips, pulled him off the desk, turned him around, and pushed at his shoulders. Remus bent over the desk, using his hands to hold his abdomen away from the edge. He felt Sirius slip back inside him.

The first thrust sent a wave of pleasure through him. The angle was perfect for hitting his prostate. Remus settled in for the ride.

He was lifted up onto his toes a few times from the force of the thrusts. His chest hair rasped across the top of the desk. The edge dug into his hands more than ever. But this angle, this speed . . . Sirius was performing perfectly. The thrusting sped up and the force became lighter and his body was almost on overload from all of the pleasure that was racing through him. A hand clamped around his cock and stroked; Remus came a second later. His body tensed and shook as he felt his arse clench hard around Sirius, making the other man moan loudly and thrust a few more times before coming.

Both men stayed in that position for a few moments. Remus sucked air in through his teeth as Sirius lazily fondled his oversensitive prick. He felt Sirius kiss his back almost lovingly before pulling away. Straightening, Remus turned around.

Dribbles of come were dripping down the inside of one leg. His hands stung from gripping the edge of the desk. His back hurt. His arse ached. But as Remus looked at Sirius, the only thing he could focus on was the look in the other man's face.

"You're allowed into Buckbeak's room now," Sirius blurted out. "But I'm not having sex in front of that animal. He's likely to bite my willie off for not including him."

Lost for words at the absurdity of the thought, Remus just threw his head back and laughed.

* * * * *

Two pairs of identical eyes twinkled at each other with mischief.

"I can't believe we're going to do this."

"What harm can it do?"

Fred wrinkled his nose. "I could be scarred for life. My innocent virgin eyes may be blinded."

George snorted. "You're not a bloody virgin. And it's not like this is someone gross, like Snape. It'll be entertaining."

"If you say so," Fred said, but his eyes gave away the fact that he, too, wanted to spy on Lupin and Sirius as much as George wanted to. And he knew that George knew it.

"Let's go," George said. They Apparated to the corridor outside of Sirius' father's old study.

They both leaned their heads against the door. Sounds were coming out from the room. Sounds that were . . .

Fred pulled away and muttered something, a spell, and suddenly George could see more than he had ever wanted to see of Sirius. A skinny man's bare arse was not, nor would it ever be, arousing. Especially as it was clenching and releasing. Especially as there were legs draped over bony shoulders. ESPECIALLY if those legs were hairy.

Fred let out a strangled noise, waving his hand and ending the spell that had allowed them a glimpse into the room. He looked as if he were going to be sick.

George knew that he, though, would be able to beat his brother to the loo. He Apparated away, leaving a distraught Fred behind.

* * * * *

The spell was ended and Remus and Sirius were both sprawled out on the desk, flushed and glistening with sweat. Remus turned his head to look at Sirius.

"This isn't going to be the last time we do this, is it?"

Sirius smirked. "Not if I can help it. I've been fantasizing about you for a long time, you know."

Remus swallowed, unable to stop the smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Really? Why, then, have you been pushing me away lately? You told me Buckbeak's room was off limits. No trespassing or it's the pain of torture and all that."

Sirius shrugged. "It's where I went when I couldn't handle being around you without wanting to shag you rotten. It was taking a toll on my cock."

But Remus could tell that what he really meant was that it took a toll on his heart. And Remus understood that all too well. He told Sirius this.

"Now that us two idiots have managed to end this dance of avoidance," Sirius said, "maybe we can think of something to get the twins back."

"They helped us, though," Remus said. Sirius grinned and turned to look at him.

"So we won't do anything terrible to them. I don't feel like killing them anymore, after all." He pursed his lips in thought. "We could just play a small prank. For old time's sake?"

Remus smiled. "That sounds like a plan."

* * * * *

Three days later, Fred and George turned a corner in the fourth floor corridor to come to a dead end.

"Oi, there's a wall here!"

"People should learn not to leave their things lying about, eh?"

"But there wasn't a wall here before," George said. "There was never a dead end here."

"I think it looks fabulous," a voice drawled behind them. "It brings an arousing darkness to the place, don't you think, Moony?" The twins turned to find Sirius, smiling and shirtless. Lupin was beside him, similarly half-dressed. The two adults stepped forward.

Memories of what him and Fred had seen of these two men, George blanched and walked backwards enough to hit the wall. He saw Fred do the same. George eyed the amount of space that they could escape through between the two men and the sides of the corridor. It wasn't much -- the corridor looked as if the walls had shifted closer together.

"I wanted to thank you boys for what you did for me, by the way," Sirius said with a leer as he honed in on George. Lupin pressed closer to Fred. "It seems as if that spell of yours is catching. I gave it to Remus."

"I can't seem to get rid of my erection, no matter how many times I fuck Sirius," Lupin said huskily. He leaned in close to Fred and nosed at the boy's neck. "So you two got us together. We wanted to thank you."

"We stayed up all night trying to think of ways to thank you," Sirius whispered as his hands trailed down to the front of George's trousers. "Well, we did other things all night, too, but you catch my meaning." He licked at George's closed lips. George tensed up and dared to glance over at his brother, whose neck was being nibbled on by Lupin.

"You don't have to thank us," George squeaked. He looked around wildly for an escape route. "It was really no trouble and we were really just looking for a way to cheer you up and please don't touch me there-"

"You've got a nice body," Sirius purred. "A nice neck, nice legs . . . a very nice arse."

"Once we show you our thanks, you'll be ACHING to thank us in return," Lupin said in between licks along Fred's collarbone.

"You'll be HARD pressed to please Remus and I."

"You'll both BEG to let you thank us some more."

"You'll want us to RELEASE you from the amount of thanks."

"You'll be obligated to return the PLEASURE."

George yelped as Sirius grabbed at his arse and thrust hips forwards. He could feel Sirius' erection on his thigh.

"Please, please don't infect us with that spell," Fred gibbered. "We'll do anything you ask that's not damaging to our heterosexuality. Just PLEASE don't ravage us!"

George chose that moment to grab at Fred's hand, scoot out from under Sirius' outstretched arm, push Lupin away, and run for freedom from the two insane homosexuals.

Amused laughter followed them down the corridor.